I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize