I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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