doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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