Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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