I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
