It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
