When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
