in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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