why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
