Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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