Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
