Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Quick, to the slutcave!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
