too bad you live with your parents still
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize