HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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