Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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