Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
