if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Vodka?
Forever.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
