I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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