you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
