i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
