the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
