Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
