you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
