so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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