just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My vagina is officially offended.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize