But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
