my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
