I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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