I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
