At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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