if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
