Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
