My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
