'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
