If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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