Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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