We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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