I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize