puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
