If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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