Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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