I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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