When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need to sanitize my soul.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
