If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
