Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
