every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How naked do you want me to be?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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