I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
