So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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