I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
