Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
