My room smells like vodka and shame
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
