ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
