I faked an abortion last night.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
