i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
