she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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