She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
