Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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