i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
