I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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