Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
